This will probably only be of interest to avid cricket fans! TMS (Test Match Special) is ball by ball commentary on radio 3 and is famous for the conversations off-subject, which are often humorous.
All’s Well With the World
TMS is on and they’re discussing whether Geoffrey
would make a good James Bond. The Aussies are thrashing us
while the sun beats down. There’s a lady in orange
in the white seating area laughing, coming in for the kill.
This is as good as it gets: Saturday of a Lord’s Test, home
of cricket. Stuart Broad is The Spy Who Gloved Me.
Alistair Cook is in good form, needing two runs for his fifty,
a lovely stroke, that’s his first target; back to the wall,
no real flourish, now doing some gardening. Resolute.
James Bond’s on view from the boundary – he knows
where his off stump is; soft hands curled round his trigger,
primed for action. He moves like silk like a mink through water.
So far England are fighting back; Blofeld’s plot to take over the world
will be foiled; he doesn’t know 007’s got an enormous sun-powered ray gun
stashed inside his sleeveless sweater (cashmere). The sun
continues to shine; old father time looks down on the pristine green
as an aeroplane edges towards the Shard. It’s a silly point
to suggest that Armageddon’s balanced on its tip and remarkable
that you can walk upstairs at 30,000ft. (Rather surreal actually)
It’s not easy to save the day at this stage of play – especially
if you take your eye off the game. Look, there’s a predatory white cat
stalking the outfield. Blofeld’s backup plot to poison all the tea in England
is a no-brainer; it’s easy, Bond’s on the job, flashing his outside edge.
This must be the end; the off stump’s cartwheeling past the keeper.
The Aussies are closing in for the kill, looks like there could be a follow on
after England’s collapse. It’s the very last ball of the day;
the security guards are wheeling in the gigantic space lasers
just to be on the safe side. Let’s hope for a fine day tomorrow.
(Ashes Test Match, Lords, 18/07/15)